i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
