you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
