It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
