so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
