Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The uberlube is also flammable
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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