Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love you. Go after that dick
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