After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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