What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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