I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
