my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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