We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
