Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
