i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
