She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
