I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
