i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
