i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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