she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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