I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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