he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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