Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My hand turned me down
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
