just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
