I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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