Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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