The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
