my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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