You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
