There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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