the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
