god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
