I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm drive I can fine osifer
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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