uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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