if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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