great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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