I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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