Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
