I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
