you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
