I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
