She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
