Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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