He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
