no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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