We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
