I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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