So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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