Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
