You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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