oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
