my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
