why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
