im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
