Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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